The older you get, the more people think they have to listen to you.
I just realized that with the invention of the iPhone and others you now get to see the top of people's heads.
I know at least two people who have never been killed by hippos.
I have fun on stage, so people think maybe they should, too.
I come from a time when people like Bob Newhart and Bill Cosby told stories that were devastatingly funny without being off-color.
America loves to watch people growing and getting better.
It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy.
I was doing a bit that stupid people should be slapped. But the more I did it, the more I didn't like that connotation, the violence and all that. The more I thought about it, I thought they should just wear signs. And, man, it just took off.
If you're just a nice guy - you don't let people walk on you - but if you're just a nice guy and treat people right, good things happen.
The one thing people like about my show is it's universal. Everybody can relate to it. I think people enjoy going to a show and saying, 'Something like that happened to me.'
I have been passed over on some things because people didn't think I was edgy enough. But the people who took those gigs are gone now, and I am still here.
People are trying to figure out how to pay bills and make ends meet. They don't want to turn on the TV and say, 'What is this crap?'
People all over are finding themselves in jobs they never thought they'd be in.
Now people live into their 90s and beyond. As long as I have quality of life, I'm good.
My belief is that if we take away that right to bear arms, the only people that are going to have them are... the ones breaking into your house.