Chelsea Handler Want Quotations

You don't mess with janitors, first of all, they have like 40 keys, and 1 is to a closet you don't want to be inside of.

I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.

If you want to have sex with strangers, you have to do it the old fashion way and become a prostitute.

I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.

I find it very annoying when people want to sit next to each other at a booth.

I want to start saying bad words all the time!

I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.

You should always speak your mind, and be bold, and be obnoxious, and do whatever you want and don’t let anybody tell you to stop it.