Dane Cook Night Quotations

One night after a show he gave me a gift. When I opened up the bag, he had made out of clay and dried macaroni a model of the universe with the planets and everything. Then in the middle of the model was an action figure with my face on it. I was the center of his universe.

My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.

A lot of comics are kind of vampire types; we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosophy was, this is like politics, and if I want people to know about my campaign, I'm going to go out there and shake hands.

I'm a late-night guy.

I found someones passport on the ground tonight. Where do you sell these things?

It's the worst feeling when you come home alone late at night and think the stranger sitting on your couch is a pile of clothes.

I'm watching some television tonight. I'm watching The Discovery Channel. You know, this channel, you never ever plan on watching this. It just happens. You're flickin' around, all of a sudden - boom - you're watching a mole for an hour-and-a-half.

I'm sure that people who have been tweeting funny things have ended up on writing staffs of a late night show.