Dave Barry Airports Quotations

Granted, this system is insane, but we must not let sanity stand in the way of airport security.

All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves; these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it.

I had arrived at the airport one hour early so that, in accordance with airline procedures, I could stand around.

...Hell, which as every frequent traveler knows, is in Concourse D of O'Hare Airport.

When to arrive at the airport?: You should be at the airport already.