Dave Barry Birthday Quotations

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.

You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Today, you're 50. Now we can round your age up to 100! Happy 50th birthday!