Dave Barry Warning Quotations

WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret.

In South Florida, we have industrial cockroaches that have to be equipped with loud warning beepers so you can get out of their way when they back up.

Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, stop operating.

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said ""CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.