Groucho Marx Crazy Quotations

As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

Dig trenches? With our men being killed off like flies? There isn't time to dig trenches. We'll have to buy them ready made.

I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Room service? Send up a larger room.

[Mrs. Teasdale]: He's had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that'll do him. He's still got the same face.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.

He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.

Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly like mine - we were both crazy about girls.