Jim Gaffigan Comedy Quotations

I love the movie previews... you know... Why is it whenever you're watching a movie preview you always feel like you have to comment on it to the person you're with? 'Yeah... I'm not gonna see that movie. I'm gonna wait for that on VIDEO.' I mean when you think about it, it's just a commercial for the movie. You know, you never sit at home watching tv-- "Yeah... I'm not buying that cereal. I don't like cereals with raisins in 'em. ...What's your take on that commercial? Where you goin'?

Comedy is a very lucrative business now, but when everyone first went into it, it didn't make sense from a financial standpoint.

My comedy is romanticized laziness.

The DC Improv food is amazingly edible for a comedy club.

When I started stand-up - and this is in the '90s - there was definitely people hadn't watched decades of Comedy Central, where people are really much more educated on stand-up comedy.

I think stand-up comedy is this - it's this kind of indulgence and narcissism.

Some of my fear and anxieties surrounding faith, I think, provides some good comedy for my act.

I wouldn't say that comedy brought me away from it.I think that my idea of faith was another obligation in my life.

My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.

Lifetime is television for women. Yet for some reason, there's always a woman getting beaten on that channel. "In a Lifetime original, Meredith Baxter-Berney gets beaten with a rod. In a Lifetime original, Rod."

I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators. Stand-up comedy is very much a conversation. It's very personal, stylistically.

I've never tried fatback. Probably 'cause it's called fatback. I don't know which word creeps me out more: fat or back. Why don't they just throw in "hairy" while they're at it? "This is some delicious hairy fatback."

"I got up early because I wanted to." - Nobody

You're on stage and because stand-up comedy is one of the few meritocracies in the entertainment industry, there's some kind of - at least for me, there's some kind of idea of control.

I am a guy who talks about bacon and escalators.