Jimmy Carr Thinking Quotations

I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.

A big girl once came up to me after a show and said "I think you're fatist." I said "No, no. I think you're fattest."

I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.

I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way.

I think that comedians, more than any other type of celebrity, have to keep their humour and keep their feet on the ground. If they start taking themselves too seriously, they're heading for a fall.

I don't think young people should have bottoms, they're too young for that sort of thing.

Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence.

I think being successful in comedy is being funny and making jokes - anything beyond that is the icing on the cake.

I'm not being condescending, I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.

I think they got it wrong with Saddam Hussein. They thought he had the A-Bomb. Instead he had a bomb.

Viagra has instructions: 'Keep away from children' - what kind of man do you think I am?

TV's not the same buzz. If someone tells you three million people watched the show last week, that's good but, when you walk out in front of 1,000, you think, 'Oh my God, this had better be good'.