Mark Twain Politics Quotations

Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.

An honest man in politics shines more there than he would elsewhere.

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.

All war must be just the killing of strangers against whom you feel no personal animosity; strangers whom, in other circumstances, you would help if you found them in trouble, and who would help you if you needed it.

Always tell the truth. That way you don't have to remember what you said.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Imagine, if you will, that I am an idiot. Then, imagine that I am also a Congressman. But, alas, I repeat myself.

Few things are more irritating than when someone who is wrong is also very effective in making his point.

Demagogue--a vessel containing beer and other liquids.

Where every man in a state has a vote, brutal laws are impossible.

I was an arden Hayes man, but that was natural, for I was pretty young at the time, I have since convinced myself that the political opinioins of a nation are of next to no value, in any case, but that what little rag of value they posess is to be found among the old, rather than among the young.

When politics enter into municipal government, nothing resulting therefrom in the way of crimes and infamies is then incredible. It actually enables one to accept and believe the impossible...

...one of the first achievements of the legislature was to institute a ten-thousand-dollar agricultural fair to show off forty dollars' worth of pumpkins in - however, the Territorial legislature was usually spoken of as the "asylum".

The new political gospel: public office is private graft.

The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopt.