Mitch Hedberg Comedy Quotations

Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. 'Look what I got... This thing is useful. I'm gonna go pick somethin' up.'

When you start out in comedy, or probably in a lot of things, you want it to happen fast. You don't want to see yourself having to do this for seven years before you start to get some feedback.

I don't like grouper fish. Well, they're okay. They hang around star fish. Because they're grouper fish.