You arrogant, overpublicized, showy old bat, what are you...

You arrogant, overpublicized, showy old bat, what are you waiting for? Aren't you the king of all bogeymen? The legend children fear will devour them if they misbehave? Come on Vlad, live up to your reputation! If you can't burn to death one Egyptian vampire chained to a wall how did you ever drive the Turks from Romania?