Comedian Quotations | Page 5

I think when I started doing stand-up, that's when I really tried to question everything in my belief system which is - I think a pretty important part of being a comedian is really questioning things.

I love stand-up comedians. I really do.

There is this false perception that comedians can never be serious. It's like from like the era of court jesters.

As a comedian I appreciate every kind of comedy. You decide for yourself what you're going to do.

I don't necessarily think of it as Southern comedy. I just think I'm a comedian and I have a Southern accent.

I like the tradition of the Oscars. I like that some of the greatest comedians ever have hosted the show.

Nobody really wants to be a stand-up, they want to get on TV.

Before I was a comedian, I thought the coolest thing that would happen to me was to be a teenager. Boy, was I wrong.

I think anybody in front of a crowd is a comedian.

A comedian has to live in his head. All this comedy comes from a lonely place. When you're surrounded by an entourage, you're not living in your head.

You just got to be really logical when you're a comedian - to a fault. Like a lawyer's got to believe in the law.

Eddie Murphy is to comedians what Nicki Minaj is to Spanx.

Comedians are the one who have to tell the emperor he has no clothes on.

Being a comedian is a lot like being an athlete. If you're Carl Lewis and you're the fastest, then no matter what you're the fastest.

I never had the confidence to say I was going to be in front of the camera as a comedian until I saw Eddie Murphy years later.

Every comedian has a moment in his life when he realizes he's a little bit different from everyone else. It's like being the only guy in a movie who sees the ghost. The ghost talks to you and you talk to him. Then you turn to your friend and say, Hey. Do you see that ghost? And he says, What ghost?

Though part of me had always wanted to be a comedian, another part of me had always wanted to be Bryant Gumbel or Dan Rather.

I'm a rap comedian the same way Bill Cosby is a jazz comedian, Cosby's laid back. I'm like, bang, bang bang, right into it.

I never wanted to churn it out. Comedians tend to work all the time. They never put it down like musicians who might make an album then take three or four years off to recharge their batteries. Comedians tend to work straight through and they get stale because of that. Even when I didn't have a lot of money I never ever did it unless I had something new to say.

Black comics, they only watch Black comedians. You're a comedian; you're not just a Black comedian. You're a comedian. I try to get that through to everybody.

I've told Michael Jackson jokes. If you got really technical, you could say those are jokes about child molestation. You could, if you got technical. A lot of this is just selective outrage because honestly, the audience are the ones that tell us that something shouldn't be spoken. The audience lets us know. And I've never, in my almost 30 years of being a comedian, seen a comedian continue to tell a joke that the audience doesn't respond to. I've never seen it.

I try to stay with it and I try to stay in contact with comedians and just keep comedians in my life 'cause comedians are their own species. If you get away from them, especially as a comedian, I think it's dangerous.

Standup comedians are attracted to one another because of their faults. So we're all kind of messed up in the same way, and once I was around a group of people that saw the world in a different way, it's like this is where I need to be.

Comedians sometimes forget that there's an audience. You gotta be conscious that you're performing for other human beings.

We mustn't complain too much of being comedians - it's an honorable profession. If only we could be good ones the world might gain at least a sense of style. We have failed - that's all. We are bad comedians, we aren't bad men.

It's always impressive when talented comedians are easy laughers or generous with their laughs.

It seemed to me you could do anything in comics. So I started doing my thing, which is mainly influenced by novelists, stand-up comedians, that sort of thing

He's not a comedian who's interested in hurting people. He's just one of the good guys -- he always has been.... He's not a saint, he's not Mr. Perfect, but he's a very, very decent guy.

Rick Shapiro is a top comedian.

I'm a good counter comedian. I can just work it off with looks, or have something crazy to say back. That works for me.

Some comedians you work with, they only turn on when the camera turn on, and they're like sad-faced clowns when the camera's off. And then, they come alive when the camera come on. And you be like, "Oh, damn. You're not a depressed ball of depression, but you are actually funny."

For generations comedians have made jokes about Scots-Irish in the South inter-breeding. "I am my own grandpa" and all that stuff; you know, because they all were marrying their first cousins.

I think it's kind of crazy that we're still calling comedians "female comedians." That seems more like a sneak attack.

Every comedian is just doing the comedy they find funny. This is me and it's not clean in any way. I could get a lot more work on TV playing clean but it's never interesting.

I always wanted to be a comedian. I loved comedy since I was a little kid, and while I was at university I started doing stand up shows. Once I realized that I was good at it I quit college and left although I had six months left. I went to England. I could have done the last six months but I realized that I was better at standup comedy than I was at singing opera.

There's two types of hecklers. If someone says something really funny it's normally them heckling as part of the show. They're trying to add onto one of your jokes. If someone says something really funny, I've never seen a comedian abuse them, you always sort of tip your hat a little bit if they nail it.

In the stand-up comedy top, there's room for everyone - if you're good, there's room for everyone. You'll put on your own show - no one casts you. You cast your own show as a stand-up comedian. When you get good at stand-up comedy you book a theater and if people show up, people show up. If people don't show up, people don't show up. You don't have a director or a casting agent or anybody saying if you're good enough - the audience will decide.

Cancer is probably the most unfunny thing in the world, but I'm a comedian, and even cancer couldn't stop me from seeing the humor in what I went through.

As comedians, we have the opportunity to convey a message that will have an effect. The best can make you laugh and cry, the way musicians and actors can.

What I like about stand-up is, it's truthful. I'm not up there trying to get laid or look cool. I'm up there because I really love it, and it makes people happier.

But if applause throws off your timing, then you're not the kind of comedian I would like to see. All you have to do is stand there and take it.

If Jay spent as much time studying as he does trying to be a comedian, he'd be a big star.

When you do late-night TV, you do different jokes in the same place every night. When you're on the road as a comedian, you do the same jokes in a different place every night.

I've been insane for a long time. An ex-girlfriend of mine once asked, "Is it true that all comedians are depressed?," and I said, "Every one I know is."

For some reason I get advertised when I travel as a political comedian, which I'm not. Sometimes I talk about it and sometimes I don't.

It's hard to learn about comedy from comedians. Comedy is not something that you necessarily learn or can imitate. You're funny or you're not, and you hope what you're doing is funny.

I'm a big fan of comedians not having to apologize for anything. Nowadays it seems comedians are always apologizing for being funny.

Pakistan hasn't been cast in the role of... interesting cultural place or, you know, land of great comedians.

I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans.

Every comedian comes to a fork in the road where they have to decide if they're going to make jokes about other people or make jokes about themselves. I chose myself.

I think Mitch Hedberg is one of the great comedians of the past 20 years.

A comedian, or any artist, needs their time to develop what they are doing. There has to be some respect for the art form and when it's allowed to be seen.

[Adoption] could turn you into an exquisite comedian. Ask Richard Pryor's ghost.

Twitter makes you a comedian in the same way that digital cameras make you a photographer

Roxanne came along in '86, when I was doing a lot of stand-up. I auditioned for the movie, and of course I was a huge Steve Martin fan, so I really hoped I would get this part. I don't think there was any part in particular that I auditioned for. I just went in and talked with them. There were so many parts in there, and so many comedians ended up getting in that movie, playing different firemen and townspeople.

I don't know if I even consider myself a comedian really - I do comedic acting in some films and dramatic in others.

It's a letdown if the comedian doesn't finally actually really sit on his hat.

I'm a goofball and a comedian

Comedy is a noble art. And every comedian who does anything is serving a noble purpose.

As a comedian you are making yourself vulnerable in order to make others happy.

Comedians and people in general have a cultural right to talk about their own culture and race.

One of my first jobs was on a lesbian cruise. I was the ship comedian for the Lesbian Love Boat.

I'm very much a stand-up comedian in my heart. That's really what I do. Now I'm trying to incorporate all of the different elements of my work as a performer, and use it as a stand-up comedian.

I became a comedian because I didn't want to be bullied anymore. Onstage I was safe.

Two cannibals were eating a comedian, and one of them turns to the other and asks, 'Does this taste funny to you?

Male comics are always coming up to me and they're like 'Hey Natasha. Don't you think you're a little attractive to be a comedian?' and I'm like 'Don't you think you're a little ugly to be talking to me?'

For comedians, we're all kind of tweeting our thoughts instead of spending time developing them. You can gauge how good a joke might be by how many times it gets retweeted, but it takes discipline to go back through the tweets and then develop jokes from them.

In general, comedians are attracted to vice.

When you're a comedian, you're just by yourself.

Any comedian who tells you how dark and dangerous they are, they're not dark and dangerous.

As a comedian, I'm like one of those on-the-scene reporters. I will actually go and try to find disasters so I can write jokes as the disasters unfold.

Some performers are brilliant comedians, some are genius musicians, and some just make you happy to be alive. THE BOBS are all of that - and then some.

I was a standup comedian, which is kind of like writing and directing yourself.

One can always lament, you know — but to laugh in the face of life, that's very hard. And for me the great tragedian should also be a great comedian.

I'm not a comedian. I didn't study sketch comedy; my background isn't that.

As a comedian, I think you need to keep things real.

If you watch the arcs of so many comedians, at some point, they just become themselves.

If you make a bad movie about stand-up, then comedians will mock you for the rest of your life.

I have to make good things so good comedians want to talk to me.

I did get good enough to get on HBO's Young Comedians Special, but I certainly wasn't the person who got launched off of HBO's Young Comedians Special. That would be Ray Romano that year. I had some semi-intelligent jokes, but when people would see me, they would think, "Oh, that's a good writer." No one would ever have said, "Oh, that's a good performer."

I always loved comedy, but I never knew it was something you could learn to do. I always thought that some people are born comedians ... just like some people are born dentists.

I don't have a lot of recreation time. I've always been under the assumption that if you're selling tickets you need to work. The kind of success that's happened to me maybe only happens to one comedian every twenty years and so I'm on the road constantly.

I'm best known as a stand-up comedian, but I'm a good actor in the right role.

Those who say that Serena isn't serious about tennis; she wants to go Hollywood. That's true, about Hollywood. I would love to get a lot of acting gigs. But you wouldn't believe the stuff I've turned down because of my tournament schedule...I would do well beside (comedian) Chris Tucker.

Philosophers, comedians, and tipsy birthday celebrants all have proposed theories about why time seems to move increasingly swiftly as we grow older. But the most disconcerting rationale is not a theory. It is the undeniable realization that every day we live constitutes a smaller percentage of the accrued experience with which we awaken each morning, and therefore seems proportionately a smidgen quicker and smaller than the day before.

In real life, comedians aren't funny.

I like the comedians that go into detail and tell longer stories.

The key to comedy is commitment - if you're afraid, you shouldn't be a comedian.

I see myself as a comedian rather than a female comedian. I happen to be a woman, but I am a comedian by trade.

I'm such a comedy fan that I just love laughing and so admire comedians who have brought me joy.

Comedians and impressionists used to be two different showbiz animals entirely, but now there's no such thing as a comedian who doesn't do impressions.

I get called all kinds of things - an investigative comedian, a comedian activist - I've lost track of what my job title is.

Although I'm a comedian, I'm also an amateur survivalist.

I always made people laugh, and everybody wanted me to sit at the table with them. I don't joke as much as I used to, but I can still be a little comedian every now and then.

I kind of was raised at The Comedy Store by comedians. When you see my dad on stage before me and then you see me, you'll see where I got a lot of my stuff.

Everyone thinks I'm a comedian - which I am and are. I was born into a comedic family but I'm trained as an actor.

I'm not a broad comedy guy. I've been funny in movies, but I'm not a comedian. I'm an actor who's sometimes funny.

I thought she was the funniest woman, and I believed being a comedian was the most exciting thing you could be.

Ask any comedian, tennis player, chef. Timing is everything.

To be a comedian, you have to have some darkness behind it. I certainly draw on my past, and it helps.