Funny Life Quotations

On the whole, human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.

I don't know what to say so I'll just say what's in my heart...badoom, badoom, badoom.

Life is like an ice-cream cone, you have to lick it one day at a time.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask why me? Then a voice answers nothing personal, your name just happened to come up.

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.

I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

Life is funny. Life isn’t categorized into comedy, drama, action, is it?So I don’t know why they try to categorize everything. It drives me crazy-why it would have to be just a romantic comedy or…I want to have a little integrity, a little story, you know

Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries.