Ambrose Gwinett Bierce Quotations | Page 2

Perfection is an imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic.

PERSEVERANCE, n. A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success."Persevere, persevere!" cry the homilists all, Themselves, day and night, persevering to bawl."Remember the fable of tortoise and hare -- The one at the goal while the other is --where?" Why, back there in Dreamland, renewing his lease Of life, all his muscles preserving the peace, The goal and the rival forgotten alike, And the long fatigue of the needless hike. His spirit a-squat in the grass and the dew Of the dogless Land beyond the Stew, He sleeps, like a saint in a holy place, A winner of all that is good in a race. --Sukker Uffro

PLOW, n. An implement that cries aloud for hands accustomed to the pen.

PLEBISCITE, n. A popular vote to ascertain the will of the sovereign.

PLEASE, v. To lay the foundation for a superstructure of imposition.

POKER, n. A game said to be played with cards for some purpose to this lexicographer unknown.

POSTERITY, n. An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author's contemporaries, the appellant being his obscure competitor.

POSITIVISM, n. A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent. Its longest exponent is Comte, its broadest Mill and its thickest Spencer.

HASH, x. There is no definition for this word --nobody knows what hash is.

HALF, n. One of two equal parts into which a thing may be divided, or considered as divided. In the fourteenth century a heated discussion arose among theologists and philosophers as to whether Omniscience could part an object into three halves; and the pious Father Aldrovinus publicly prayed in the cathedral at Rouen that God would demonstrate the affirmative of the proposition in some signal and unmistakable way, and particularly (if it should please Him) upon the body of that hardy blasphemer, Manutius Procinus, who maintained the negative. Procinus, however, was spared to die of the bite of a viper.