Art Hoppe Quotations

The proper method of playing mixed doubles is to swipe the ball accidentally and straight at the woman opponent as hard and as accurately as possible. Male players must not only retain equanimity on their side of the net, but create dissension on the other.

We all worry about the population explosion, but we don't worry about it at the right time.

Old men declare war because they have failed to solve complex political and economic problems.

Who knows? Maybe my life belongs to God. Maybe it belongs to me. But I do know one thing: I'm damned if it belongs to the government.

If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?

We ought to change the legend on our money from "In God We Trust" to "In Money We Trust." Because, as a nation, we've got far more faith in money these days than we do in God.