A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying.
You're never too old to learn something stupid.
Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
The most effective copyright protection known to man : a scratched CD.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
I told the butcher I'd give him $10 if he got the meat down off the top shelf. He said he couldn't. The steaks were too high.
For every effect there is a root cause. Find and address the root cause rather than try to fix the effect, as there is no end to the latter.
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
The noblest of dogs is the hot dog, it feeds the hand that bites it.
Sure God created man before woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final masterpiece.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
I miss you like a retard misses the point.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Children in the dark cause accidents, accidents in the dark cause children.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. The Personal Excellence Blog - CelestineChua.com
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
The trouble with loving is that pets don't last long enough and people last too long
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials.
A gypsy fire is on the hearth,Sign of the carnival of mirth;Through the dun fields and from the gladeFlash merry folk in masquerade,For this is Hallowe'en!
The chicken probably came before the egg because it is hard to imagine God wanting to sit on an egg.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
