Bill Cosby Quotations | Page 3

The summit, which is set up to educate people about managing their money and protecting their income, leads to empowerment of self, for which this summit needs to be applauded.

In your 50s, time becomes precious and must not be wasted. Every minute is an excellent opportunity for a good nap. Happy 50th birthday!

Beware of people who fall at your feet. They may be reaching for the corner of the rug.

Parenting needs to come to the forefront.

My mother was an authority on pig sties. This is the worst looking pigsty I have ever seen in my life, and I want it cleaned up right now.

A white person listens to my act and he laughs and he thinks, 'Yeah, that's the way I see it too.' Okay. He's white. I'm Negro. And we both see things the same way. That must mean that we are alike..... So I figure I'm doing as much for good race relations as the next guy.

My dad came over to the house... went into his pocket and pulled out a handful of money, and began to pass it out to the children... This was the same man who, when I was his child, I would ask him for 50 cents, this man would tell me his life's story.

I said to a guy, "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful," and he said, "Because it intensifies your personality." I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?"

Some authority on parenting once said, "Hold them very close and then let them go." This is the hardest truth for a father to learn: that his children are continuously growing up and moving away from him (until, of course, they move back in).

Anyone who has brought up children knows that consistency has absolutely nothing to do with discipline.

The wisest married men give in early. They get in touch with the wife side of themselves, and that's when they stop arguing.

The childless experts on child raising also bring tears of laughter to my eyes when they say, I love children because they're so honest. There is not an agent in the CIA or the KGB who knows how to conceal the theft of food, how to fake being asleep, or how to forge a parent's signature like a child.

You are not going to 'go forth.' You are going to take that damn hat off and you're going to get a job.

You'll have many, many friends, but if your relationship with your mate is one hundred per cent of your heart, you'll never need a friend.

Don't let your victories go to your head, or your failures go to your heart.

Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

Criticizing is easy, art is difficult.

My wife and I have five children. And the reason why we have five children is because we do notwantsix.

I didn't know how serious it is to a female that you lift the lid.

I once asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic. He told me how he once killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.

People say "God will find a way." God can't find a way if you're in the way.

You people are not prepared. You are well educated and you look cute, but that's not going to cut it.

If you know two languages, the level of your intelligence is multiplied a hundredfold in other people's eyes.

You can't be everything to everyone

You can not make everybody happy..

Don't talk yourself into not being you.

People should fact check. People shouldn’t have to go through that and shouldn’t answer to innuendos.

Violence won't solve a thing. It makes it more challenging to solve, though.

And so the dentist says 'Rinse.' So you lean over, and you're lookin' at this miniature toilet bowl.

A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child.

A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.

And of course, when you see your brother in the toilet bowl...there's a little voice that say, 'I wonder where he would go...'...if it hadn't been for his head...

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.

...it was the arts, those noble expressions of the human spirit that are communicated through literature, dance, song, film, drama, painting and sculpture, among the many other such creative means, that helped articulate the sufferings of [these] people that were heard around the globe.

In spite of the seven thousand books of expert advice, the right way to disciplne a child is still a mystery to most fathers and...mothers Only your grandmother and Genghis Khan know how to do it.

My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow.

'Don't worry about senility', my grandfather used to say.

The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love.

I did not want to turn to playing golf because golf is about as much exercise as shuffling cards.

While fathers are pleasant figureheads, there is a special bond between children and their mothers. 'Do you help your mother clean up the house?' I asked one girl of seven. 'No,' she sweetly replied, 'I help make the mess.' It's a dirty job but somebody's got to do it.

Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.

Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His kids.

Today's parents grew up with the silly notion that music was meant to be heard.

If you can find humour in anything, you can survive it

Fathers are the geniuses of the house because only a person as intelligent as we could fake such stupidity.

Fatherhood is telling your daughter that Michael Jackson loves all his fans, but has special feelings for the ones who eat broccoli.

People will frighten you about a graduation.... They use words you don't hear often: And we wish you Godspeed." It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices."

It is a warning, Godspeed. It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.

I brought you in this world, and I can take you out!

Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie.

That's why ears have cartilage, to keep them from flapping.

All Children Have Brain Damage!

i was'nt always black. there was this freckel that just grew and grew...

If you want to be seen, stand up. If you want to be heard, speak up. If you want to be appreciated, shut up.

Zip zop wop boopity bop.

I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty,” I told her. Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: “It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring.

When you graduate from college, they tell you to follow your dreams. Does anyone say you have to wake up first?

I'm not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know when I lost it, I don't really think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job...and I don't want it!

What is it about grandparents that is so lovely? I'd like to say that grandparents are God's gifts to children.

Anecdote: In a controversial way, Comedian and actor Bill Cosby sought to teach his son the pain of being lied to. Convinced his son had been dishonest regarding an issue, Cosby promised that if he told him the truth, he would not hit him. When his son did confess, Cosby did hit him. Seeing his son's shock and hurt, Cosby said he hoped this lesson had deepened his understanding of the anguish generated by a sense betrayal.

I love it when mothers get so mad they can't remember your name. "Come here, Roy, er, Rupert, er, Rutabaga... what is your name, boy? And don't lie to me, because you live here, and I'll find out who you are."

The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse."

...among the guitarists, Wes Montgomery is fantastic. He's always good to let you know what the art form is all about. It's the same still life that everybody is painting, but in comes Wes Montgomery, and it's right there!

Mediocre people are the most dangerous people in the world.

I think you need to make responsibility something that's not just a word.

I don't wear no condom and I don't plan for no kids.

It is not a matter of who is rejecting me, as much as it is somebody may get it, and I am going to keep plowing through it because in this world of education, there is a harvest.

It doesn't make any difference how much money a father earns, his name is always Dad-Can-I.... Like all other children, my five have one great talent: they are gifted beggars. Not one of them ever ran into the room, looked up at me, and said, "I'm really happy that you're my father, and as a tangible token of my appreciation, here's a dollar.

A person with no children says, "Well I just love children," and you say "Why?" and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em - they tell the truth." That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain.

The weatherman is always right. It's just his timing that's off.

Give me 200 active 2-year-olds and I could conquer the world.

You can never give complete authority and overall power to anyone until trust can be proven.

All parents experience the same problems.

The secret of success is to be like a duck, Smooth and unruffled on top, But paddling furiously underneath.

I'm going OUT... because I DESERVE to go out! And I'm going to get DRUNK... because I DESERVE to get drunk! And get out of my way!

A Hoyo de Monterrey double corona is my favourite Cuban since Desi Arnaz.

People will frighten you about a graduation....They use words you don't hear often...

If you know what you want, you will recognize it when you see it.

Intellectuals are people who go to study things other people do naturally.

After creating the heaven, the earth, the ocean, and the entire animal kingdom, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was "Don't."

You know my father's favorite game? Come here and pull my finger.

The first time I came across the birds and the bees in actual flight, I couldn't identify the formation.

I wanted to give the house back to the parents.

When the child is twelve, your wife buys her a splendidly silly article of clothing called a training bra. To train what? I never had a training jock. And believe me, when I played football, I could have used a training jock more than any twelve-year-old needs a training bra.

The game of chess. Supposedly men made it up, and it's about war and men and the ravages and the bravery and the genius of commanding and moving pieces and ... No. It's marriage. The Queen moves anywhere she wants.

The measure ov overexposure is not how many times people see you on TV or in the bookstores. It's whether you can maintain the quality of your entertainment. If you can, people will always be glad to see you.

In America ... the seven ages of man have become preschooler, Pepsi generation, baby boomer, mid-lifer, empty-nester, senior citizen, and organ donor.

Listen to John Coltrane enough and after two bars, just two bars at any place, and you know that's him. We all have signature things that happen to be similar that you can predict and you try to stay away from that except the rhythms: those pauses, they're part of my signature, the part where I know when I say nothing, I already painted enough, led enough and I don't even have to say anything. But those pauses don't belong to me. Jack Benny was one of the first guys in comedy to make the anticipation so great that during the pause people start to laugh before the execution.

You can teach an old dog new tricks. You just don't want to see the dog doing them.

I didn't like what was on TV in terms of sitcoms—it had nothing to do with the color of them—I just didn't like any of them. I saw little kids, let's say 6 or 7 years old, white kids, black kids. And the way they were addressing the father or the mother, the writers had turned things around, so the little children were smarter than the parent or the caregiver. They were just not funny to me. I felt that it was manipulative and the audience was looking at something that had no responsibility to the family.

Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair and the first thing they grab is an iron hook.

Every father says the same thing: “Where's your mother?”

We spoke to God about the children, and we were afraid to ask God for specific things. We thought that it might be too much. So we said to God 'Please give us a healthy child' and left it at that, not knowing that God is a generous God, but also has a sense of humor. And if you leave that much open for God, some wonderful jokes are going to come about.

What's your name again? That's right. I'm so glad you know your name.

Children today know more about sex than I or my father did.

College was a wonderful time - except, of course, when it was trying to teach you things.

Grandparents are God's gifts to children.

Fatherhood is helping your children learn English as a foreign language.

A father has to do everything in his power to keep a tight ship, even though he knows the crew would like to send him away in a dinghy.