Brad Wilkerson Quotations

When you think about it, there is really a fine line between being a proctologist and just being a perverted ass-freak. And according to the judge who sentenced me, that line is called a 'medical degree'.

I bet that the best thing about being a hermaphrodite is that you always get to use the bathroom with the shortest line.

Light up a spliff and hit the strip club.

Tapping melons with your knuckles is a good way of making your selection in the store, but apparently it's frowned upon at the strip club.

I recently read that Arnold Schwarzenegger collects Hummers. Now we know why Maria's face is frozen in that puckered position.

Women are like wine: I can only afford the really cheap ones that have the big, ugly boxes that leak.

Sure, companies say they're sensitive to their employees' cultural heritages, but show up on casual Friday wearing a necklace made from the ears of your vanquished enemies and all hell breaks loose.

They say that dog is man's best friend, and I think it's true. My dog does a lot of the same stuff my best friend does, like drool on my couch, mooch my food and hump my wife.

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but I find it's often in huge tits, too.

As an enlisted sailor, I don't feel that the Navy is advancing me in rank fast enough, so I'm going to change my last name to Stains. My guess is they would rather promote me than to have to refer to me as Seaman Stains.

We need to not do those types of things. When you've got your best hitter at the plate, and you're struggling to score some runs, we need him swinging the bat.

Montreal compared me to Rusty Greer when I was drafted. If I can do half as much as he did around here, it's going to be very special.

If we play the we are supposed to play, we can beat anybody. We just aren't doing that right now.

I did some different things mechanically that took me a while to get out of. I'm looking forward to getting back and getting 100 percent for next year. I'm going to look at this season as, hopefully, a learning experience and go home and work as hard as I have been in the offseason and get ready for next year.

give everybody a broader sense of where they can come in and get involved and have a chance to purchase some great items for a great cause.

We've got to realize what we're playing for. Now's the time to want it.

He kept us off-balance. He didn't really give up too many hard-hit balls.

I think it's getting a little ridiculous, to tell you the truth. We've got to realize what we're playing for. Now's the time to want it more than anything. ... I'm very surprised about the attitude and stuff that's happening. It seems like the willingness to go out there and give it all you've got to win is just not there.

I think it's definitely not up to my expectations. It was disappointing for me.

We could have very easily folded the way things are going.

You know, we can make a game interesting.

We are not out of it yet. We still have a lot of games to play but we need to start playing day in and day out, having more consistent at-bats and playing more consistently in the field and being overall more consistent as a team.

We'll see after this week. I'm very happy right now to see this team bouncing back and seeing what we can do. If we come out and play good baseball, I'll put our chances up against anybody.

We come out and play hard, and see what happens. I don't think you can say either/or yet.

This team doesn't want or need to finish in last place after the season we've had. It's going to come up short of what we wanted to do. But I think coming in last place would leave a bad taste in our mouths.

We did a good job of being patient. Wakefield didn't have good command, and we did a good job of being patient and getting good swings. If we get on base, these guys do a job of driving us home.

I've been in this organization, the Montreal/Nationals organization, from the onset of it. It's just a shock that I'm not going to be with the same organization, the same people I've been around my whole career. That's going to be different.

This is September. We can't be giving at-bats away and giving games away.

This is a different team today than I've seen in awhile. Hopefully, that'll carry over. . . . It's the way we should play. Coming down the stretch here, it's going to be a lot of emotion. Hopefully, it's on the good side for us.

They know the game of baseball. They've been in every game. It's been a great love affair for us so far.

It's just a matter of getting that big hit. We just haven't done it in the clutch, and that's what this game is all about. We are 1-4 and it is early in the season. But we need to pick it up. There is too much talent in this clubhouse.

It's either put up or shut up now. I hope guys aren't giving up.

It's tough. The losses we've suffered, we could've had eight in a row. . . . But we can't look back on that now.

It just feels good to score more than four or five runs.

It's going to be tough, to be honest. We still have guys that we can take care of ourselves, but with Houston out front, it's going to be tough. But you never know what can happen.

It's gonna be an historic day. The president's going to be at the ballpark, a lot of politicians, a lot of big-name people in this country are going be there. It's going to be an honor to be a part of history.

It's something you look forward to every year playing different teams and playing different leagues to see how you compare.

Everybody's moving around a little slow. We've got to come out with a better attitude. It's hard to come back every game. We've got to come out with a sense of urgency right off the get-go.

It's huge. We've just got to keep our confidence. We're going to have some big at-bats. We have to stay confident and come through in them.

It was a great feeling. It was just different, in that we had a going-away present from the fans last year in Montreal. And this year, it was like we had a home.

I kind of figured it was coming. I've been struggling so bad, I feel like I needed a day off.

I'm very surprised about the stuff that's happening and the attitudes. I just can't understand why it seems the willingness to go out there and give it all you got and win is just not there.

I'm very surprised about the attitude and the stuff that's happening. The willingness to give it all you've got is just not there. We need to go out with more willingness, more heart, more effort.

I'm swinging at everything. It's a matter of calming down, getting relaxed and looking for a pitch in the strike zone. ... Once I get more comfortable, more relaxed at the plate, I'm going to see the ball in the strike zone and have a better chance to hit it.

I'm swinging at everything. It's a matter of calming down.

If people have problems with people not wanting to win, he needs to tell them and not send it through you guys, ... That's the bottom line. We need to take care of it within our team.

If you get thrown out, it looks bad, ... But I took the risk, and it worked out.

If you're gonna do well and you want to be a part of a team that's going to win, and all the things that you want to do in your career, that outside stuff just comes with it, ... It's great. I'd rather it be like that than it was in Montreal, where nobody really even gave a crap about the team winning.

In the dugout, I think there was good spirits. I think guys were back to where we were before the ninth inning last night. This was our game to win.

If I do end up hitting leadoff here, I think it's going to be a positive. With an everyday player hitting before me, it will give me more opportunities with guys on base to drive in runs.

I feel all right, my swing just doesn't feel quite right. In batting practice you can get away with a lot of stuff, but a game is different. I just want to get it calmed down and have the feeling mentally that I can go out and perform.

He can hit. It's not like you're sending an out up there every time.

He can hit. I mean, it's not like you're sending an out up there every time.

He buzzed my tower, ... and guys in the dugout got upset.

A great road trip. To come back in Cleveland to win that series and get these two ... no excuses, but it's been a long road trip for just five games. It's huge going 4-1. Cleveland has a great team and Tampa Bay is playing better. But we pitched well and scored some runs. We're starting to jell together.