Dick Cavett Quotations | Page 2

Running my show is really like an actor being in repertory but where, in one day in one performance, you do scenes from a drama, a farce, a low comedy and a tragedy.

The very phrase 'Oscar night' used to accelerate my pulse. For one thing - dating myself - it meant Bob Hope. He always had good, strong jokes, that faultless delivery, and always a new joke about his own films' failure - once again - to be honored.

There is something about a Luger that separates it from all other handguns, and Luger devotees and Luger society members speak of it in romantic terms that must sound plain nuts to those who consider themselves level-headed.

Every so often, there is an article saying the old kind of talk show isn't possible now. In the oldest kind of talk show, you only had the choice of that or two other channels!

I confess, I do have to remind myself almost daily that there are people on this earth capable of reading, writing, eating and dressing themselves who believe their lives are ruled from billions of miles away, by the stars - and, of course, the planets.

I had to fight the intellectual label when I started in television, because, first of all, it's not going to help you commercially, and also, it wasn't particularly true of me. I mean, if anybody thought I was an intellectual, they probably had never really seen one.

I have never been converted to or even had much interest in spiritualism, occultism, Swedenborgianism or any particular religion. And I never, except occasionally for a laugh, visit the quacks who call themselves psychics.

I'm the only talk show host, I think, if there's such a category in, what's called, the book of records, to have a guest die while we were taping the show, yeah.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians . And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population . But oh, how they try.

While other kids were out playing and doing healthy things, I read an ancient judo book with a neck hold that was fatal to so many people, they finally dropped it from judo.

Statistically, I'd say comedy writers are perhaps the sanest category of show people. And why not? They make big money, and although it's not an easy trade - particularly when you're at your galley oar five days a week - it's easier on the nerves and the psyche than living with the brain-squeezing pressure and cares of being the Star.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

To call New York's traffic at holiday time a nightmare is to understate.

Coming up through the ranks of any calling can be rough, but that battered soul who survives the early years of courting the comic muse comes close to knowing what only the soldier knows: What combat is like.

There were several things a Yale freshman was supposed to be able to do. You had to demonstrate in the Olympic-size Yale pool that you could swim 50 yards or be inducted into swimming class.

I'm not sure why writing for others became harder. Probably a reluctance to give away anything you might conceivably use yourself caused a block. I did it, but it remained hard when it had once been easy.

You can, after all, reduce the reasons for watching TV to but two: to be lulled, and to be stimulated. Some people do one sometimes, the other sometimes. Some people do all of one or all of the other.

Its fun for me to go on other folks talk shows. When youve endured the ups and downs and tensions and pitfalls of hosting, being a guest is a piece of angel food.

An effective speaker can do more damage or more good in a well-stated minute than an angry klutz could do in half an hour.

The information superhighway? That sounds like a place that's long and boring and kills 50,000 people a year.

Why anyone, by dying, should thereby be declared beyond criticism, innocent of wrongdoing, suddenly filled with virtue and above reproach escapes me.

The idea that hunting is one against one is ludicrous. It's one animal versus the hunter, the manufacturer of the rifle, the bullet maker, the designer and manufacturer of the telescopic sight, the auto manufacturer who made the car the hunter got to the edge of the wild in, the maker of his waterproof shoes, the various manufacturers of his mittens, glasses, overcoat - and that's only the beginning of the list. The "sportsman" who shoots an animal should then make a speech, like the actor who wins an Oscar does, thanking the multitudes behind the scenes who made this "victory" possible.

There should be three days a week when no one is allowed to say: 'What's your sign?' Violators would have their copies of Kahlil Gibran confiscated.

Just think of all the billions of coincidences that don't happen.

If (O.J. Simpson) is acquitted, I will renounce my citizenship. And if I converse with him at a cocktail party, I will say, 'Well, there are so many people here who haven't murdered anyone. I think I'll go talk to them.' I'll also riot.

Why are sex and violence always linked? I'm afraid they'll blur together in people's minds - sexandviolence - until we can't tell them apart. I expect to hear a newscaster say, "The mob became unruly and the police were forced to resort to sex."

The mob became unruly and the police were forced to resort to sex.

I hate Danny Kaye movies.

I find most 'sacred music' pretty dismal.

It's no fun being a specimen.

Great humorists are great insulters.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I don't know who said, 'Dick would be great with rock people,'

I watched one of the Lennon programs yesterday,

I was just talking to someone who is technically versed and he was amazed at the quality,

Janis was so exuberant, ... In a way it's sad to see her so happy.

That was a real contribution to television, ... It was pointed out to me after the show by a terribly distressed gentleman. He checked everything. It's as if he checked the lyrics for 'Tea for Two' and failed to check that. I don't know if they had lyrics with them, but he didn't hear it.

Well, it saved her a lot of muddy shoes,

We were doing shows five days a week, so I assigned a guy to pick out the good stuff, ... We lost some shows, but saved hundreds.

Don't you wish you could have been a little older and kept a diary of all those meetings?

Really? Going on stage with a cane and moving the way you do?

The Nixon administration kept a nasty eye on our show, ... Cops would come by often just in time to see the act they wanted to see.

There was also evidence of misbehavior backstage, ... Stubbed-out joints, copies of Jack Kerouac, a copy of Ulysses in the detritus of the dressing room.

That's a nightmare, ... Somebody will point out to the aged widow of some composer that they heard a snatch of (his) song. It can take time.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

For some reason, I was accepted by the rock folk. Maybe they understood that they and I were on the same side of the Richard Nixon question.