Doug Stanhope Quotations | Page 3

I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.

Everything that is going to kill you is extremely appetizing.

Doing stand-up takes the fun out of being funny.

There's times to be dainty and times to be a pig.

Courts and camps are the only places to learn the world in.

Don't eat a mushroom stem and see colors, eat the whole bag and see GOD

I've jammed enough things up my own ass just trying to come on any amphetamine based narcotic.

If I have to be a monotheist, y'know pick one, I'm picking vodka, it goes well with everything, all occasions.

If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can't pelt them with poop.

Paralympics... fascinating because just watching anyone with a major disability trying to do everyday chores is fun to watch.