Greg Giraldo Quotations

Why do we need another station where everyone has a gun? We already have BET.

"You're an old man who dresses like a Hooter's waitress."

On a day-to-day basis, you get tired of waiting to be accepted. In show business, someone else has to say that you're good or that you're worth going to see or worth taping a show. There's a lot of pain here. There's a lot of pain inside. I'm a sad, crying-on-the-inside kind of clown.

It's something like 70% of American adults are obese, and the rest of them are women on Ally McBeal.

Christine Todd Whitman had to resign as the head of the EPA. You know, when the governor of New Jersey decides the environment is hopeless, you gotta really think that one through.

It's hard to distinguish when I was actually struggling from when I only felt like I was struggling - which was pretty much always.

My advice to graduates is to stay positive. Life is short, and you'll be dead soon.

Ice-T is so old that the first thing he bought with the money from his album sales was his freedom.

How many of you text message? It's a great way of not communicating.

The internet's a creepy thing, especially if you have kids. It says something very creepy about the fact that I use the same machine to masturbate with as I use to teach my kid the alphabet.