Henry Youngman may refer to: (wikipedia)
I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by four o'clock this afternoon.
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o clock.
A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the carburettor'. I said, 'Where's the car?' She said, 'In the lake'.
A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says ""You're crazy"" The man says ""I want a second opinion!"" ""Okay, you're ugly too!
A man goes to a psychiatrist "Nobody listen to me!" The doctor says "Next!
I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.
I asked a Jewish man "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said "Yes", and walked away.
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says "That's what puzzles me!
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said ""Cough!
