Jasper Carrott Quotations

I used to be a columnist for 'Golf Monthly' and have contributed articles for national newspapers based on the humour that is in abundance in the game, which is more than can be said of tennis.

I have been known to play a few rounds in my time. I'm not obsessive; I don't play in the dark, but even that's not out of the question because Stevie Wonder is also a golfer.

The whole debate on what food is best for us is complex, ongoing and often controlled by vested interests.

I've played with some very famous bandits in my time on the celebrity golf circuit.

I want to do things I enjoy, and show business comes fifth or sixth down the line.

My driving habits are so ingrained that the driving examiner would fail me in the first mile. That's provided he hadn't died of a heart attack by then.

I was never the class clown, and I've no idea where the comedy came from.

I just felt that 'Golden Balls' was the right thing to do. I didn't care if people thought I was a failure.

There's a rumour going 'round that if you amass a certain number of penalty points on your driving licence, the authorities will make you take your test again! Now, if ever there was an incentive to drive carefully, they could not have threatened a more terrifying ordeal.

I've always been sensible with my money. I can't say I'm a business genius.