Jimmy Kimmel Quotations

When I was on the radio, I used to be able to go a lot farther than I can now. You don't really remember until you're on the radio again, sometimes in your old radio station and sitting with the guys you used to work with and you go, 'Oh yeah, I can't say these things anymore. I'm handcuffed.'

On Letterman and Leno, it always bothers me when they go outside the studio and it's daytime.

It's funny how all of this has worked out - I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm throwing up.

Don't be fooled by the dumb blonde routine. This woman is as smart as a rock.

I don't really need to be dirty to be funny.

I don't know if we can call ourselves everyday Joes. I think Supermen is more appropriate. We're just trying to take back the medium we invented!

See Andy, ... one day you're going to be right here, between Ernest Torrance and Olive Borden.

My definition of cursing is probably different from what other people's definitions are.

Real emotion is good - or doing a good job of faking real emotion.

When you know someone you can make a little more fun of them without them getting offended.