Josh Billings was the pen name of 19th-century American humorist Henry Wheeler Shaw. He was a famous humor writer and lecturer in the United States, perhaps second only to Mark Twain, during the latter half of the 19th century... (wikipedia)
Contentment is a kind of moral laziness; if thare want ennything but contentment in his world, man wouldn't be any more of a success than an angleworm is
Consider the postage stamp, my son. It secures success through its ability to stick to one thing till it gets there.
Don't mistake pleasures for happiness. They are a different breed of dog.
Credit is like chastity, they can both stand temptation better than suspicion
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt of, not swallowed
There's lots of people who spend so much time watching their health, they haven't got time to enjoy it.
I've never known a person to live to be one hundred and be remarkable for anything else
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
A sekret ceases to be a sekret if it iz once confided - it iz like a dollar bill, once broken, it iz never a dollar again
Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so.
There may come a time when the lion and the lamb will lie down together, but I am still betting on the lion
It is true that wealth won't make a man virtuous, but I notice there isn't anybody who wants to be poor just for the purpose of being good.
It is the little bits of things that fret and worry us, we can dodge an elephant, but we can't a fly
Everyone has his foolishness and mostly those are the most interesting things a person has.
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his way
Never teach your child to be cunning for you may be certain that you will be one of the first victims of his shrewdness
I honestly believe it is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.
I honestly believe it is better tew know nothing than tew know what ain't so
Genius ain't nothing more than elegant common sense.
The trouble with most folks ain't so much their ignorance as knowing so many things that ain't so.
The trouble ain't that people are ignorant: it's that they know so much that ain't so
The road to ruin is always in good repair, and the travelers pay the expense of it.
All the honesty in the world ain't legal tender for one loaf of bread
Fashion makes fools of some, sinners of others, and slaves of all.
People who have nothing to say are never at a loss in talking.
Music wasn't made to make us wise, but better natured.
Most everyone seems willing to be a fool himself, but he can't bear to have anyone else one.
The dog that will follow everbody ain't worth a curse.
The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.
Take the selfishness out of this world and there would be more happiness than we should know what to do with.
It's not ignorance does so much damage; it's knowin' so derned much that ain't so.
Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.
When a man gets talking about himself, he seldom fails to be eloquent and often reaches the sublime.
Experience increases our wisdom but doesn't reduce our follies.
The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide.
Incredulity is the wisdom of the fool.
A wise man never enjoys himself so much, nor a fool so little, as when alone.
A slander is like a hornet; if you cannot kill it dead at the first blow, better not to strike at it.
There are only two qualities in the world: efficiency and inefficiency; and only two sorts of people: the efficient and the inefficient.
Contentment is a kind of moral laziness; if there wasn't anything but contentment in his world, man wouldn't be any more of a success than an angleworm is
Human happiness konsists in having what yu want, and wanting what yu have.
If the world despises a hypocrite, what must they think of him in heaven?
Knowledge is like money, the more a man gits the more he hankers for.
I never knew a man troubled with melancholy, who had plenty to do, and did it.
A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that's lost-he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.
It AIN'T so much the things we don't know that get us into trouble. It's the things we know that just ain't so.
It's a wise man who profits by his own experience, but it's a good deal wiser one who lets the rattlesnake bite the other fellow.
It is true that wealth won't make a man virtuous, but I notice there ain't anybody who wants to be poor just for the purpose of being good.
What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul I suppose this depends somewhat upon the size of the soul. I think there are cases where the trade would do.
Keep a cow, and the milk won't have to be watered but once.
I've never known an auctioneer to lie unless it was absolutely necessary.
There is a significant Latin proverb; to wit: Who will guard the guards?
Biography is the best form of history.
Perseverance is king.
Pity costs nothing, and it ain't worth nothing.
Prejudice assumes the garb of reason, but the cheat is too thin.
If a man is right, he can't be too radical; if he is wrong, he can't be too conservative.
Habits are like the wrinkles on a man's brow; if you will smooth out the one, I will smooth out the other.
The lion and the lamb may, possibly, sumtime lay down in this world together for a fu minnits, but when the lion kums tew git up, the lamb will be missing.
It iz comparitively eazy tew repent ov the sins that we hav committed, but tew repent ov thoze which we intend to commit, is asking tew mutch ov enny man, now days.
What the world wants iz [sic] good examples, not so mutch advice; advice may be wrong, but examples prove themselves.
Debt is a trap which man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.
A learned fool is one who has read everything and simply remembered it.
It ain't no disgrace for a man to fall, but to lie there and grunt is.
Faith is the soul riding at anchor.
Most men would rather be charged with malice than with making a blunder.
When a man makes up his mind to become a rascal, he should examine himself closely and see if he isn't better constructed for a fool.
There is gravity in wisdom, but no particular wisdom in gravity.
The man who ain't got an enemy is really poor.
I hate to be a kicker, I always long for peace, But the wheel that does the squeaking, is the one that gets the grease.
As in a game of cards, so in the game of life, we must play what is dealt to us, and the glory consists, not so much in winning as in playing a poor hand well.
Everyone who does the best he can is a hero.
A good reliable set of bowels is worth more to a man than any quantity of brains.
The truly innocent are those who not only are guiltless themselves but who think others are.
The books are balanced in heaven, not here.
The best creed we can have is charity toward the creeds of others.
There is a sort of charm in ugliness, if the person has some redeeming qualities and is only ugly enough.
I don't never have any trouble in regulating my own conduct, but to keep other folks' straight is what bothers me.
Building air castles is a harmless business as long as you don't attempt to live in them.
I never had a man come to me for advice yet, but what I soon discovered that he thought more of his own opinion than he did of mine.
He whom prosperity humbles, and adversity strengthens, is the true hero.
Most men had rather say a smart thing than do a good one. John P. Kotter, Leading Change.
If mankind were only just what they pretend to be, the problem of the millennium would be immediately solved.
Good nonsense is good sense in disguise.
No one can disgrace us but ourselves.
The trouble with most folks isn't their ignorance. It's knowin' so many things that ain't so.
Lying is like trying to hide in a fog: If you move about you're in danger of bumping your head against the truth, and as soon as the fog blows off, you are gone anyhow.
the squeeky wheel gets the grease.
Thrice is he armed that hath his quarrel just, But four times he who gets his blow in fust
The secret of forgiving everything is to understand nothing.
It's not so hard to get rich as it is to know when you have gotten rich.
It is easy to assume a habit; but when you try to cast it off, it will take skin and all.
I called my cat William because no shorter name fits the dignity of his character. Poor old man, he has fits now, so I call him Fitz-William.
The happiest time in a man's life is when he is in the red hot pursuit of a dollar with a reasonable prospect of overtaking it.
Experience is a school where a man learns what a big fool he has been.
Never run into debt, not if you can find anything else to run into.
It's not what we don't know that prevents us from succeeding; it's what we know that just ain't so that is our greatest obstacle.
Better make a weak man your enemy than your friend.
Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
Advice maybe wrong, but examples prove themselves.