Richard Lewis Quotations

Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call.

When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

If you want to devote yourself to the arts, you'd better do it strictly from passion, because there is zero guarantee that you'll get anywhere. The hardest thing is dealing with business people who have nothing to do with your art. They could care less that you're up at 4:30 in the morning writing a joke. Don't expect any sympathy from anybody.

My grandmother was a Jewish juggler: she used to worry about six things at once.

There's a thin line between narcissism, even if it's a healthy narcissism, and entertainment.

My act is always a work in progress. I pray I have a bad day before a show.

My wife's hip, beautiful and independent and never jealous.

When I was younger, I listened to the greats: Winters, Mel and Carl, Nichols and May, Pryor, Carlin, Klein, Berman and lots of Lenny Bruce albums. But once I started doing fairly well, I didn't want to hear anybody's jokes or premises.

I love being famous. It validates that I have something to say.

My performance level has risen - and my anxiety-level has sky-rocketed.

When I started out, I struggled, and I was broke a lot. But I'm glad I struggled, and I'm glad I was broke a lot.

I read somewhere that when I go on stage, people realize that they're not me and they feel better. When I walk off the stage, people know who I really am. I'm not saying it's great comedy, cool comedy or better comedy - but that's what I do, and I do it first for myself.

I didn't ever feel close to my real family. I didn't feel validated; I never felt right because I was always wrong.

I never wanted to do observational humor because I never wanted to tell people what they were seeing.

I'm psyched-up when I do radio. I can reach hundreds of thousands of people in a market. And way psyched-up when I'm on television. For people not to take it seriously is foolish.

My humor is channeling everything through my brain. For example, when I talk about something, it's how Richard Lewis feels about it. I'm a storyteller. I do a lot of free association.

My target (speech) audience was both the youth and adults. But I wanted more of the adult audience to pay close attention because we grew up in a time where most of us are set in our ways and we need to get out of our boxes and give people chances.

I am just now beginning to move better and to feel a lot better about how I am playing, ... I am glad the season's over because now it means I can come back next year and play at 100 percent.

He introduces Americans to worlds that they wouldn't normally see. It's always a little darker and edgier when Jerry writes.

We've done so much with him as he's always done for us.

I will not mass produce. You have no quality control over mass production. I formulate for taste, not shelf-life.

We're trying to drive down the cost of wireless broadband for Houstonians.

We gave bonuses last year of about $35,000 to people just for sending people to us we could put to work.

Twickenham is a world-class facility in which to showcase this premier rugby league match.

We were overjoyed to see the number of companies.

Back in the day, people used to have more patience for the long form and for storytelling,

This is the first time that any big travel conference, not just Travel South, has been to Virginia in 20 years. There are hundreds and hundreds of places that are vying for these conferences and it is very tough to land them. This is a real feather to get Travel South here.

It wasn't the kind of comedy I was a big fan of. I used to do a monologue on the Division of Motor Vehicles, and it was like six or seven minutes long. They had to follow me from beginning to end. I did a routine about buying a blender at a drugstore. It was about seven or eight minutes long.

It's messing up my daughters' chance to get a scholarship.

It's probably going to take a little bit longer until they get up the learning curve and the repetition of using the new system.

The addition of these two veterans will expand our services in the office leasing market. Inland has more than 35 years of experience brokering commercial property, and we're already one of the biggest players in the Chicago industry.

The retailers are trying to gain market share by offering good value on their books and they want people to receive a brand image about their shop too,

That's everybody's drug of choice. We're helping each other.

I'm trying to think two to three years out. I don't want to wait until the last minute.

You can't really find somebody that has been so prolific, so 'on the scene,' so popular and cutting-edge as Carlin, ... He is the Rolling Stones of stand-up.

All his cases, he's been fined and gotten off. I don't think he was here just by accident. There were kids running around here all day. I really think this guy's a sexual predator.

The guy, for want of a better word, ... has become a Hollywood mogul. It's not so much that he's the guy who co-created 'Seinfeld.' It's the type of show that he created. It's Larry's mind. It's ad-libbing. You want to be a part of it. There isn't any show like this.

For 45 years I've worked without an audience.

My parents were my worst audience.

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.

I tried phone sex - it gave me an ear infection....

I like to read biographies of authors that I love, like Richard Yates. I also like to see what non-fiction authors are out there. My bible is Something Happened. It's one of the greatest books I've ever read. But if I don't read a Dostoevsky soon I'm going to kill myself.

I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.