Robert Orben Quotations

They're combining that new fertility drug with a birth control pill for people who don't want triplets.

Humor gives presidents the chance to be seen as warm, relaxed persons. Humor reaches out and puts its arm around the listener and says, 'I am one of you, I understand,' and implicitly it promises, 'I will do something about your problems.

I had a terrible fight with my wife on New Year's Eve. She called me a procrastinator. So I finished addressing the Christmas cards and left.

A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.

I'd like to say a few words about one of the most popular concepts in the modern education--show and tell. Show and Tell is a device created by grammar schools to communicate family secrets to 32 other families before 9:15 am in the morning.

Economists can certainly disappoint you. One said that the economy would turn up by the last quarter. Well, I'm down to mine and it hasn't.

These detective series on TV always end at precisely the right moment-after the criminal is arrested and before the court turns him loose.

It's amazing how important your job is when you want the day off - and how unimportant it is when you want a raise.

Have you noticed when you go on a diet, the first thing you lose is your temper.

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old. Unfortunately, there's never one around.