Rodney Dangerfield Quotations | Page 4

She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.

He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.

Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel.

Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it's different when I open the door the kids hand me candy.

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

My wife isn't very bright. The other day she was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!