Scott Adams Quotations

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems.

Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

In less enlightened times, the best way to impress women was to own a hot car. But women wised up and realized it was better to buy their own hot cars so they wouldn't have to ride around with jerks.

Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.

The greenest home is the one you don't build. If you really want to save the Earth, move in with another family and share a house that's already built. Better yet, live in the forest and eat whatever the squirrels don't want.

I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination.

Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.

The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.

Scientists will eventually stop flailing around with solar power and focus their efforts on harnessing the only truly unlimited source of energy on the planet: stupidity. I predict that in the future, scientists will learn how to convert stupidity into clean fuel.

I've always defined myself not as a cartoonist , but as an entrepreneur. That was true before I tried cartooning. I always imagined cartooning would be how I got my seed capital. I always thought my other businesses would be the less dominant part of my life.

Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.

We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. H. P. LOVECRAFT, "The Call of Cthulhu" When did ignorance become a point of view?

Technology will definitely solve all our problems, but in the process it will create brand new ones. But that's O.K. because the most you can expect from life is to get to solve better and better problems.

There's nothing more dangerous than a resourceful idiot.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.

I burned out my drawing hand by using it too much. The common word for it is writer's cramp. The fancy words for it are focal dystonia. The symptom in my case was a pinky finger that went spastic when I tried to draw.

There's kind of a toll you have to pay with a cat; if you don't pet her for 10 minutes she'll bother you for six hours.

You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.

I think 'Dilbert' will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. 'Dilbert' is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it that way. It just happened.

Be careful that what you write does not offend anybody or cause problems within the company. The safest approach is to remove all useful information.

I have a perverse attraction to risk. Not physical risk but emotional, financial risk - anything than can't kill you immediately.

Women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently.

Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart.

When times are bad, the gloves come off and employers are less nice. People become disposable.

Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.

We must develop knowledge optimization initiatives to leverage our key learnings.

There are always deadlines I have to meet. I don't let myself get too close to the deadlines, so it's not like I'm just sweating bullets or anything if the clock is ticking. I never let myself get in that situation.

Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.

One way to compensate for a tiny brain is to pretend to be dead.

Most success springs from an obstacle or failure. I became a cartoonist largely because I failed in my goal of becoming a successful executive.

If a job's worth doing, it's too hard.

When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.

Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free.

I'm predicting that we'll finally have a computer will search my e-mail automatically and delete every message that begins with 'thought you'd be interested,' and then give an electrical shock to the sender to remind him or her to stop send that kind of message.

I try to manage my day by my circadian rhythms because the creativity is such an elusive thing, and I could easily just stomp over it doing my administrative stuff.

Obviously there's not much options when you're a cartoonist - you pretty much either work at home or rent an office I guess, and working at home just seems easier.

Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it.

It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.

'Dilbert' became popular during the downsizing of the '90s, and job security was a major theme of the strip.

I hated my work. It never seemed to me to be what I should be doing.

I would sometimes sit in a crowded restaurant, and say, 'You know, I'm the only person in this restaurant who can't draw.'

I'm surrendering myself to the realities of the Internet.

The computer cuts my production time in half. I love it.

The longer you work here, diverse it gets.

In fact, most people are being squeezed in their little cubicle, and their creativity is forced out elsewhere, because the company can't use it. The company is organized to get rid of variants.

One of the reasons why you like to do your own drawings is, your style changes over time. And there's something about that that keeps it fresh to the viewer.

I'm not happy on vacation. In those rare times when I have three hours with no work I have to do, I'm terribly uncomfortable.

I love magazines. It's such McNugget kind of information.

My old life - no amount of getting used to it would have made it right.

I had several different bosses during the early years of 'Dilbert.' They were all pretty sure I was mocking someone else.

For most of my career I did one comic a day, every day, including weekends and holidays.

We're just looking at commercial and industrial land in transitional areas.

One "oh shit" can erase a thousand attaboys

One thing people don't realize is that you take off a lot quicker than you could ever stop. You can get up to 100 in five seconds, but that top speed back to zero, it doesn't brake as well as it accelerates.

I don't even bother walking to the couch, because there's nobody going to come in and see me. When I wake up I ask myself if I feel like working, and if I do, I get back in the chair and I work. If I don't, I do something else.

Certainly, he's touched my life and the fact that he's gotten better and was able to play again, makes me realize that what I do makes a difference,

He used to be a lawyer. It's a different set of guiding principles at work there. Personally, I wouldn't want to run into any of these guys at the big convention after I said something bad about them.

It is a fairly centralized downtown location, central to the proposed condos. It won't necessarily be convenient for everybody, though. At the end of the day, somebody may have to get into his car to go grocery shopping.

Our guys know they are about to play the toughest game on our schedule. We know what is ahead of us with seeding and the playoffs. But all that is in the hands of our leaders and veterans. If they want to go out and win these games, then they can.

Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.

My training is in business and economics, so my mind gravitates toward the business model,

It fascinates me that there are people like that, and they're allowed to vote.

It does represent a new way of living in the valley. It's not new in America. We're just catching up with the rest of the country in terms of a vertical lifestyle.

I'm honest with our team and tell them when the game will be difficult or when I think we can win by two or three touchdowns. This game will be difficult, but I think we can win any game on our schedule.

My brain doesn't register it as drawing. The feeling of friction across the glass is different.

Tyler Phillips will also get more carries this week. He has made some big chunks of yards this season when given the chance.

We are not thinking about two games right now. We are focusing on Cordova this week. We have to go there and that is a tough place to go. They are a vastly improved team from last season. But we won't back down from the challenge.

There are many methods for predicting the future. For example, you can read horoscopes, tea leaves, tarot cards, or crystal balls. Collectively, these methods are known as "nutty methods." Or you can put well-researched facts into sophisticated computer models, more commonly referred to as "a complete waste of time.

This year, we are looking for a warm day in the 30s.

I get mail; therefore I am.

When you find a big kettle of crazy, it's best not to stir it.

You can hose it down and never have to worry about it.

Dilbert's favorite gadget is his home theatre system.

Cordova's offense is very balanced. They have a strong offensive line and like to run first behind a real good ninth-grade running back. He rushed for over 200 yards against Parrish. Their quarterback can run and throw.

Cordova's offense is very balanced, ... They have a strong offensive line and like to run first behind a real good ninth-grade running back. He rushed for over 200 yards against Parrish. Their quarterback can run and throw.

Cordova is a team with a good football tradition of state titles. They aren't going to stay down very long and will eventually bounce back. It's exciting that our program has gotten to the level where we can compete with other top programs.

Creativity is allowing oneself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

I used to be into gadgets but it just seemed gadgets got boring.

I've literally gotten out of my chair, lain on the floor and fallen sound asleep,

As a rule, anything in a binder has very little value, except as building material.

You should always stay in character, ... Don't go up to your friends and say, 'What's up.'

A lot of people ... tend to forget there is someone in the suit.

It's just three minutes in the microwave, it's hand held, it works with a busy lifestyle,

It's a bust. Tuna's not cheap and salmon's too high.

Crazy personalities work, which is why people do it, but most manufacturers discourage it.

Dogbert: "Well you know what they say, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade."Dilbert: "But I'm allergic to citrus."Dogbert: "Well you know what they say, when life gives you lemons, swell up and die.

I've had a great time, ... I don't get to work with this many smart people all at the same time on one cool thing very often.

No matter where you are, someone is going to be watching you.

No matter how smart you are, you spend most of your day being an idiot.

Not having Randy in the backfield is a loss but I have a lot of faith in Zach,

I'm not convinced that there is actual gluten in the fries.

I knew from the get-go I was going to help out, regardless of what he needed, even if he needed surgical intervention, I knew I was going to help him out,

If you read it for a while, you feel like you know the guy behind it, and that makes it funnier for me. The characters are unbelievably well-defined. I've often made the case that if you can't describe the character in one or two words, then it's not going to work. And he does that.

If you become a nuisance ... they're not going to like you.

It has no real financial impact on me. And I'm not the angry-getting type. If they prorated my subscription fee, I think they owe me 85 cents or something like that.