Todd Barry Quotations

I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable.

I am the the type to have a personal experience with a celebrity, but I'm too classy to bring that up.

I liked the koala, wallaby, and I chilled with a kangaroo a bit. There was a wombat that I quite enjoyed also

I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate.

People don't understand that that's really what it is. They're looking for a magic phone number or something. And to a certain extent, I understand that, because comedy is treated so much as a stepping stone by a lot of people.

I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place

I don't feel I'm even worthy of a normal amount of value.

I like pens. My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase

I got access to a private tour of the zoo. I got to go in a cage with a koala, which I highly recommend.

I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things.

There's people that are just in awe of what you do, and then there are people who just think it's garbage. And I think there are people who are just uncomfortable seeing someone have fun with their job

If you see me at a restaurant, blow me a kiss, wave, blow me another kiss, then walk five steps backward.

I mean, I guess I started during the comedy boom, so it was literally like, on Sunday you could decide you wanted to be a comic, and on Monday, you could be on stage

Buddha, much like everyone else has good and bad days.

I guess there seems to be clubs opening up again, which is strange.

I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right.

I'm particularly proud of my reluctance to share my dreams with anyone.

It's cool to go to a place that has posters up and it's one night only. It feels more special.

You come there and hang out and have a drink before the show and eat, so it's not that brutal. It's only $6.

And the goal really is to make the audience laugh, to bring them some joy.

I did end up doing substitute teaching, but there's not a lot of teaching involved in that.

I don't know any astronauts. There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians.

I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I started

It was actually 3 years between albums. That seems like a long time to me

There are commercials that are funny, but you might forget the product. A standard commercial might hammer that point home better.

I thought they may have presumed too much knowledge of certain things for people who are not comedians. Like Montreal. A comic understands what it is and its importance, but someone else may not know about it.

Well, I have since seen you at Tinkle. It's a comedy show started by David Cross, me and Jon Benjamin. It features a wide variety of acts for all tastes and seasons.

You always think you're better than you are in the beginning.

I've never read Ulysses. Why do you ask?

I've never been a TV junkie. I remember watching Letterman way back when he had a morning show.

Some venues are better run than others. Sometimes it's just maddening to deal with full dinners being served in front of your face. You can have a good or bad show anywhere.

I mean, I guess I realized subconsciously that this is what I should be doing before I realized it, consciously. Verbally, I don't think I had committed to it, even though I was driving everywhere, every night, just trying to get on stage.

I had some friends that tried it down there, and I went to a couple of open mics, and I just kind of got this... this sick urge to try it instead of just watching it.

I'm traveling the world, ripping rooms apart with my stupendous comedy.

In New York, if you wanted to be a comic you had to bring people to try to get on an open mic, but you could get on a regular show in Florida.

I basically did comedy there for about a year, and then moved to New York. If I had it to do over again, I would have booked myself on the road for at least a year.

Only lately, like within the last few years, have I had people actually do an impression of me to me, which weirds me out to think of what they have picked up on, without ever realizing it myself

I mean, I've always had scattered interests, but I never went on stage to get an agent or anything like that

I haven't done a lot in London. I think comedy over there is how it was over here years ago. There's tons of it, and they're better paid.

I will not be misquoted!

If I'm at a party and someone puts on a Blues Brothers tape, I tend to go nuts.

Anyone who bombs is my friend.

I once sat next to Jim from Wild Kingdom on a flight from Atlanta. I find mentioning that opens a lot of doors.

I had temping jobs also. I liked the flexibility. There was no asking for time off; you just didn't work.

I have a podiatrist appointment at 2.

I used to write things out beforehand. But sometimes it backfires

I must have done everything I had. You go through years where you go through everything you've ever written

I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at all

I want to release another CD this year, finish writing a screenplay, and make another short film

There seems to be more comedy for comedy's sake

I loved Australia. I was very successful there

I like Cilantro, but you don't have to.

My sister sometimes does a Todd Barry tribute act.

I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport.

People in New York love having roof parties.