William Claude Dukenfield (January 29, 1880[1] – December 25, 1946), better known as W. C. Fields, was an American actor, comedian, juggler, and writer.[2] (wikipedia)
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.
I never voted for anybody. I always voted against.
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.