Robert Orben Funny Quotations

More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

Do your kids a favor - don't have any.

Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

The best birthdays of all are those that haven't arrived yet.

There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.

Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

Love is so confusing - you tell a girl she looks great and what's the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.