Rodney Dangerfield Guy Quotations

Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy's cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks.

I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.

Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.

I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.

Getting older is tough. I remember the last time I felt an erection. It was at the movies. The only trouble is, it belonged to the guy sitting next to me.

My wife had her drivers’ test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.

Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.

I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, "Man, I wish I had your willpower.