Tom Lehrer Funny Quotations

The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability.

Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.

I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.

Alas, irreverence has been subsumed by mere grossness, at least in the so-called mass media. What we have now, to quote myself at my most pretentious, is a nimiety of scurrility with a concomitant exiguity of taste.

I feel that if a person has problems communicating the very least he can do is to shut up.

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!