W. C. Fields Water Quotations

I never drink water... fish f**k in it.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

I don't drink water. Have you seen the way it rusts pipes?

Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.

The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.