Bill Cosby Humor Quotations

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.

A grandchild is God's reward for raising a child.

A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

The worst thing to do is to die while reading LIFE magazine.

Suddenly, this romantic agony was enriched by a less romantic one: I had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say, I couldn't let her know about this urge, for great lovers never did such things. The answer to "Romeo Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?" was not "In the men's room, Julie.

The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse."

The weatherman is always right. It's just his timing that's off.

The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble.

Now, this is the fun part about getting stoned. They get stoned, then they become paranoid. Now, when they started out, they said, "Let's get high and have fun." So they're high; now they're paranoid. "Am I falling out of this chair?"

My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.

"And tired" always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, "I am just sick..." And I said, "And tired." I don't remember anything after that.

My mother comes in my room and says, "Just look at this mess! This is a pig sty!" Now, I've already been in the room five hours, and she wants me to LOOK at it.

Old is always fifteen years from now.

Nobody ever says, "Can I have your beets?

Anyone should be able to say on stage what they want. But those who have knowledge, do understand that certain things on stage can be abused and misused. And if such topics are used just for laughter, the humor will not stand the test of time.