Chelsea Handler People Quotations

Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.

When I look at all the people that I have working for me and the company I've started and all the people that benefit from it and have a living because of it, it's very motivating to continue to do it.

I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to have to not think about anything

I'm a worker. I like to work and I like to provide work for other people. I like to put people on my show who normally would never have a chance at being on television.

Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?

What about your constitutional right to bear arms, you say. I would simply point out that you don’t have to exercise a constitutional right just because you have it. You have the constitutional right to run for president of the United States, but most people have too much sense to insist on exercising it.

I’ll always be doing stand-up as long as people are still interested in seeing me.

People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.

I love people who have such passion for complete nonsense.

It's good that people don't like you. That's good. It means that you are doing something interesting.

It's hard to tell these days what gender people are. You don't know if they're gay, if they're straight, or Bruce Jenner.

The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.

People tend to call me names that I can't repeat on basic cable. I will give you a hint. They rhyme with itch, hunt, & bore.

People always tell me I need to have a kid, and I say, No, I don't. Because I wouldn't have just one kid; I'd have six. I need a huge family. So I just kind of fill my house with tons of rejects and misfits so it feels like I have a bunch of children.

You get photographed together when there's 25 people with you and people assume that you're having sex, which is definitely not the case.

I don't like people who have babies and act like they did something that the rest of us can't figure out. Anybody can have one, OK? I could have had three if I had gone through with any of my pregnancies.

Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.

I find it very annoying when people want to sit next to each other at a booth.

A lot of people think that keying a car isn't the right way to get back at a guy. I disagree.

I don't like people who drink decaf coffee it's like what. Why you drinking it? Like it taste so good? That's like drinking non alcoholic vodka.

I don't think the problem is telling people you're on a diet. The problem is eating ice cream for breakfast.

A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.

It's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone is truly a loyal friend, then they wouldn't need to broadcast it; eventually, people will figure it out. I have a lot of good friends and not one of them has ever introduced themselves by saying, 'I'm a very good friend.'

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.