David Letterman House Quotations

President Obama and his family are spending the holidays in Hawaii, and while they're gone, they got a fence jumper to house sit. Tomorrow, he will be in Hawaii playing golf with Raul Castro and the Pope.

Obama took a tour of the Great Wall of China and said, 'We need one of these things around the White House.'

They're doing everything they can to tighten security at the White House. Today, on the roof of the White House, they added one of those fake owls.

I spend most of my free time under the house.

At the White House, they caught another fence jumper earlier today. It was Obama trying to get out.

There was an embarrassing moment in the White House earlier today. They were looking around while searching for George Bush's military records. They actually found some old Al Gore ballots.

According to the recent polls, Bush has a slight lead over John Kerry. So today, Bush hung a banner over the White House saying, 'Mission Accomplished.'

Since 1980, there have been 91 breaches of security at the White House. Well, 92 if you count George Bush.

Barack Obama's busy moving into the White House. Earlier today, John McCain was blowing on his soup.

The White House has now put together a website for kids. It's a website to teach kids how to manage a budget responsibly. The website is called ' Irony.gov. '

George W. said he doesn't watch television. And, of course, well - the reason for that is the Clintons stole the White House satellite system.

I'm worried about John Kerry, he's so confident now that he's already planning his White House sex scandal.

Today was opening day for the new Congress in Washington. And Vice President Joe Biden swore in the new batch of White House fence jumpers.

The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. Isn't that a little high?