Henry "Henny" Youngmanwas an American comedian and violinist famous for his mastery of the "one-liner". His best known one-liner was "Take my wife ... please"... (wikipedia)
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said ""Cough!
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the carburettor'. I said, 'Where's the car?' She said, 'In the lake'.
I take my wife everywhere I go. She always finds her way back.
Doctor says to a man "You're pregnant!" The man says "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says "The usual way, a little wine, a little dinner....
A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says "That's what puzzles me!
A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says ""You're crazy"" The man says ""I want a second opinion!"" ""Okay, you're ugly too!
A man goes to a psychiatrist "Nobody listen to me!" The doctor says "Next!
I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by four o'clock this afternoon.
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o clock.
If your going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for in the morning, sleep late.
I asked a Jewish man "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said "Yes", and walked away.
A Jewish woman had 2 chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered "So did my arthritis!
