John Oliver Want Quotations

We in Britain stopped evolving gastronomically with the advent of the pie. Everything beyond that seemed like a brave, frightening new world. We knew the French were up to something across the Channel, but we didn't want anything to do with it.

I wanted to be a soccer player. I knew that couldn't happen.

If you want to do something evil, put it inside something boring.

When you're doing stand-up, you want to stand onstage and, to the extent that you can, uncomplicatedly entertain.

Ads are baked into content like chocolate chips into a cookie. Except, it's actually more like raisins into a cookie because no one [expletive] wants them there.

Once you learn how to make people laugh, then you get to choose exactly how you want to make them laugh.