Maria Bamford Time Quotations

I'd like to create a lovable character for schizophrenia; it doesn't have a celebrity spokesperson because by the time somebody's schizophrenic they've lost all their teeth.

As far as I can tell, comedians are pretty serious people, and that's why they make fun of things all of the time.

I have a hard time with interviews, because I'd rather hear about the interviewer.

I've learned from my pets that it's okay to sit around, and people don't love you any less if you sit around all the time. In fact they might love you more, 'cos they always know where you're always going to be: you're always going to be laying in bed.

I've been stopped a few times by people who want to say, 'Hi.' But I'm an introverted person, and the idea that I'd have to talk to people all the time seems a little overwhelming.

In my stand up, I think I try to be less energetic because I feel embarrassed about how much enthusiasm I have. There's something about acting like I don't care, or if I act like I haven't spent enough time on it, it seems to go better. If I act like I'm really trying to sell it, it doesn't go as well.

In L.A., a lot of comics live here, but we don't get to spend that much time together because we've got to drive 45 minutes home, or do another set. So in San Francisco we can hang out, go for dinner - the community aspect of it is really lovely, as well as seeing people's shows that you don't normally get to see a longer version of.

Time flies when you are anxious!