Mark Twain Inspiration Quotations

To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.

He is now rising from affluence to poverty.

Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written.

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word.

It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.

Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold.

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.

Better a broken promise than none at all.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.

The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.

Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

Wine is a clog to the pen, not an inspiration.

As one boy said, 'I was thinking all these horrible thoughts about my parents when suddenly it hit me-if they're all that bad, how come I'm so wonderful'

The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.

We are all alike, on the inside.

Always tell the truth; then you don't have to remember anything

Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.

Buy land, they're not making it anymore.

There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.

Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

All men have heard of the Mormon Bible, but few except the "elect" have seen it, or, at least, taken the trouble to read it. I brought away a copy from Salt Lake. The book is a curiosity to me, it is such a pretentious affair, and yet so "slow," so sleepy; such an insipid mess of inspiration. It is chloroform in print. If Joseph Smith composed this book, the act was a miracle — keeping awake while he did it was, at any rate.

Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.

Italy is the home of art and swindling; home of religion and moral rottenness

All our acts, reasoned and unreasoned, are selfish

If to be interesting is to be uncommonplace, it is becoming a question, with me, if there are any commonplace people

Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expensive and nefarious kind of government ever heard of on earth

She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot

The Public is merely a multiplied 'me.'

Authorship is not a trade, it is an inspiration; authorship does not keep an office, its habitation is all out under the sky, and everywhere the winds are blowing and the sun is shining and the creatures of God are free.

I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.