Milton Berle Wife Quotations

My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.

One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along?

All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.

Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself.