Fart Quotations

There's nothing worse than a bunch of jaded old farts, and that's a fact.

For me, I need to be able to show up on set and fart around and goof around. If I can have that, when I'm not acting, then when I'm acting I can go however deep and dark and bad I need to. I developed that more with 'Breaking Bad' because I've never worked on anything as dark for as long.

I'd like to think I'd never do a gratuitous fart joke.

I'm sounding like an old fart talking about how bad advertising is today, but it's true. Advertising sucks. Guys like me and Bob Gage and certainly Bill Bernbach and two or three other guys, we exemplified and led the creative revolution.

I am happy everywhere except in places where I see glitz and rich farts. I am happiest in Brooklyn, where the concentration of rich farts is minimal.

We're just a fart in the wind. This ought to take care of all that silly dynasty talk.

My father once told me, and it's stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.

I don't usually fly in first class, but I fart in first class.

Some of them relate to farts but they are not fart jokes. They would just be a fart in the joke but it's about something else...

I trip and I burp and I fart, like everybody else.

As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner.

I'm into paradoxes. I wanted to make an album about them, but the group told me I was a pretentious fart. They were right.

Nicole - Knickers, as I call her. I would swear, burp and fart in front of her. I'd try and embarrass her and she would pretend to be shocked. I always played up on that. It was a real elder sister-younger brother relationship.' - on his and Nicole's relationship on Moulin Rouge

I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize

Over at the Olivia Pope & Associates set, we're like middle school children. Every time there's a cut in the action, we joke and dance around; there's show tunes and fart noises.

Did you hear something, Nora?” Vee asked. “I thought I heard something.” “You definitely heard something,” I agreed. “Could that be … a dog fart I heard?” Vee asked me.

And now to sleep, to dream...perchance to fart.

I've never shied away from a good fart joke,

That just means I'm an old fart with nothing else to do.

I like to say it's a love letter to independent film in the form of a fart joke.

ObamaCare is to health care as a fart is to an elevator.

She's a warm fart at Christmas.

You Know the Most Dangerous Thing In the Water? A Shark Fart.

Right now, the old guys, the old farts, if you will, are still running the show, and the women haven`t gotten their place yet at all.

I fart in your general direction.

The average pregnant woman farts 15 times that!

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word 'poo.' You can't beat a good poo joke.

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart?

Have you been sniffing fairy farts?

People dressed in a certain kind of clothing are never wrong. Also they never fart.

Farts and poop are still funny and will always be funny.

The worst thing a girl could do on a date is fart louder than me.

Though I've turned 21, I don't drink. I'm an old hag now. I'm just an old fart.

I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women.

You know me, Esme. I couldn't subtract a fart from a plate of beans.

Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's.

You stand out like a fart in a church.

I'm only interested in heavy metal when it's me who's playing it. I suppose it's a bit like smelling your own farts.

There is Harlan Ellison the human being, who takes a crap a couple of times a day, and who farts, and who eats chicken croquettes, if I can find them. And then there is the writer, this writer-person, who is a much finer person than I. Much more orderly, much more meaningful. Worthier, than I [am].

You couldn't shoot a fart out of your own ass!

That has less significance than a dog's fart.

I thought the fart was a human thing. It's something to do with like, arse cheeks, or whatever.

If it doesn't fart or eat hay, she isn't interested.

Don't be more serious than God. God invented dog farts.

Using blasphemy as entertainment is as cheap as a comedian telling a fart joke.

Dinosaur farts? I don’t know.

I have a playlist of farts on my phone.

A person who discreetly farts in an elevator is not a divine being, and a man needs to know this.

Robert Plant asked me to marry him, but I said 'no.' I mean, you just don't want to marry someone you've wanted to do it with since you were thirteen, because, well, if he farts, I would, like, die!

I have more talent in my smallest fart than you have in your entire body.

We're here on Earth to fart around

Fart for freedom, fart for liberty—and fart proudly.

Jerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.

Every man knows the smell of his own fart.

They didn't trademark everything back then. Now someone farts and they put a TM after it. Even Miller Lite says 'A Fine Pilsner Beer' on the label. It is a crime.

A happy fart never comes from a miserable ass.

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus.