Funny Graduation Quotations

I've observed a few things about the few really great people I've had a chance to meet and cover...They need to be around people. You and I require sleep. They require people.

I can tell you how bad our boards are... I don't have to watch Saturday Night Live anymore; I just go to the board meetings.

You can't climb the ladder of success...

When I was here there was still a requirement that students had to swim 50 yards to graduate...because Harry Elkins Widener had drowned with the sinking of the Titanic. And it made me very grateful at the time that he had not gone down in a plane crash.

... I could have said something profound, but you would have forgotten it in 15 minutes - which is the afterlife of a graduation speech.

Try putting your iPhones down every once in a while and look at people's faces.

Now I usually try not to give advice. Information, yes, advice, no. But, what has worked for me may not work for you. Well, take for instance what has worked for me. Wigs. Tight clothes. Push-up bras.

I graduated in 1989, and I'd focused almost entirely on the Soviet Union and communism ... so when the Berlin wall fell, I was, well, I was screwed.

I too turned to Webster's Dictionary and it defined Harvard University as a season for gathering crops.

The work itself is the reward, and if I choose challenging work, it'll pay me back with interest. At least I'll be interested, even if nobody else is.

I wish that someone had said to me that it's normal to feel lost for a little while.

Remember that there's no one way of doing things. ... If you just get a hammer and hit it really hard, whatever it is, I guarantee you it'll open.

In this time of recession, it is the time for invention. Did you know both the telephone and the automobile were invented during recessions? So was 'talking dirty.'

When I made coffee and Xeroxed and distributed newspapers at ABC News, I thought my life was over.

I was a Democrat before I was a Republican before I became an independent and I never changed my principles.

Whoever invented spray cheese had to have been a Harvard guy.

People will say you can't do good and do well. They're wrong, that's idiotic advice.

I don't want to die ... I don't want to die poor. Two great motivators in the history of human cultures.

Learn to trust yourself. That's very vital. ... Just stand with yourself. Remember, in his lifetime, Van Gogh sold only two paintings. I personally sold even fewer.

Become goddesses of disobedience.

When you work for other people you'll find ... that they do know what's best for them, and for the company. And you should listen to them and be respectful, but they don't know what's best for you.

There is no delete button for bigotry.

As you set off into the world, don't be afraid to question your leaders. But don't ask too many questions at one time or that are too hard because your leaders get tired and/or cranky.

Pay off your student loan. Even if you don't have a job...Because when you finally get a job you're going to be one of us.