Funny Sex Quotations

Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.

I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

I don't have sex drive... I have sex 'just sit in the car and hope someone gets in'.

What I like about masturbation is that you don't have to talk afterwards.

The French are funny, sex is funny, and comedies are funny, yet no French sex comedies are funny.

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.

During sex I fantasize that I'm someone else.

Were kisses all the joys in bed, One woman would another wed.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.