Buddy Hackett Quotations

My wife said to me, "I want to be cremated." I said, "How about Tuesday?"

Your financial cost can best be figured out when you realize that if you were to devote the same time and energy to business instead of gold, you would be a millionaire in approximately six weeks.

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.

I found out that if you made people laugh, they like you. Most people got to like me because I made them laugh. When they didn't, I hit them.

Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the grudge, the other guys's out there dancing.

I have the gift of laughter. I can make people laugh at will. In good times and in bad. And that I don't question. It was a gift from God.

Ya know, if you treat every comic the way you treated me tonight, you would never see a bad show.

When I do an hour-and-a-half show, if I don't improvise 20 minutes worth of new material each night, I feel I've let myself down.

Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.

Why should I be angry at someone when they are out dancing?