Chris Farley Quotations

In the land of the skunks he who has half a nose is king.

Once I thought that if I just had enough in the bank, if I had enough fame, that it would be all right. But I'm a human being like everyone else. I'm not exempt.

I was in the Pritikin Center in Santa Monica once, trying to lose 30 or 40 pounds in a month. I'd work... on a treadmill and with the weights, but it was driving me nuts. So I escaped. Tom Arnold picked me up and we went to Le Dome and had tons of desserts.

I used to think that you could get to a level of success where the laws of the universe didn't apply. But they do. It's still life on life's terms, not on movie-star terms. I still have to work at relationships. I still have to work on my weight and some of my other demons.

People... need a time to laugh. It's up to us to bonk ourselves on the head and slip on a banana peel so the average guy can say, 'I may be bad, honey, but I'm not as much of an idiot as that guy on the screen.'

I have a tendency toward the pleasures of the flesh. It's a battle for me, as far as weight and things like that. But I'm curbing them because I want to continue to do comedy, and the two don't mix. So I try to fight those demons.

The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer.

Everyone is treating it like a Hollywood story. In Madison, it's a neighborhood story.

Basically, I only play one character; I just play him at different volumes.

I remember one time when all the nuns in my Catholic grade school got around in a semicircle, me and Mom in the middle, and they said, 'Mrs. Farley, the children at school are laughing at Christopher, not with him.' I thought, 'Who cares? As long as they're laughing.'

I want to live fast and die young.

I still have to work on my weight and some of my other demons.

I can get a great look at a t-bone steak by shoving my head up a bull's ass but I'd rather take the butchers word for it.

You gotta fight for your right to vote!

People need a time to laugh. It's up to us to bonk ourselves on the head and slip on a banana peel so the average guy can say, 'I may be bad, honey, but I'm not as much of an idiot as that guy on the screen.'

I live in a van, down by the river!

I have what doctors call a little bit of a weight problem.

Brothers don't shake hands, brothers gotta HUG!!!

I'm just dandy, I got a bowl of chocolate pudding in my underpants

Everybody laughs when fatty falls down.

First off I am 35 years old, I am divorced, and I live in a van down by the river.

Let me tell you why I suck as a sellman....

My first vision for this race was that maybe 500 people would show up. So thank you guys. This is awesome.

His records did better after he got out of jail then they did before he went to jail. It helped his career.

We couldn't register everybody. I'm thrilled by just the number of people here. The running community has really come together.

Everybody understands that something has got to be done about this, ... I knew I had to do something.