Clement Freud Quotations

About one thing the Englishman has a particularly strict code. If a bird says Cluk bik bik bik bik and caw you may kill it, eat it or ask Fortnums to pickle it in Napoleon brandy with wild strawberries. If it says tweet it is a dear and precious friend and you'd better lay off it if you want to remain a member of Boodles.

I think our police are excellent, probably because I have not done anything that has occasioned being beaten up by these good men.

In moments of considerable strain, I tend to take to bread-and-butter pudding. There is something about the blandness of soggy bread, the crispness of the golden outer crust and the unadulterated pleasure of a lightly set custard that makes the world seem a better place to live.

Congealed fat is pretty much the same, irrespective of the delicacy around which it is concealed.

To barbecue is a way of life rather than a desirable method of cooking.

I understand it is 13-8 against Egon Ronay publishing a Good Betting Shop Food Guide by 1997.

If you mind losing more than you enjoy winning, don't bet.

Breakfast is a notoriously difficult meal to serve with a flourish.

There's no law that decrees when not to whinge, but you reach a certain age - 80 seems about right - when you're expected to manifest querulousness - the coffee's too hot, the boiled egg's too soft ...

It is essential that we understand people for who they are as individuals and not the public perception of them or their family and past.